In Conversations with Meaghan Jackson

I was honoured to be interviewed by Deepshikha at You Me & Kaira. Her blog has so much to share about motherhood. My interview was part of her series sharing stories of different mothers from around the world.

We talk about why parent coaching is needed especially during this time. Also about the common factors for parenting failures today. I share a bit more about what I do as a coach and my message to mothers.

Join me over at You Me & Kaira for the whole story....

7 common plants to forage in the spring

The weather has been improving and we are getting outside a lot more. One thing my boys and I love to do is forage for wild plants we can use. Some we eat/drink and others we use for healing. This year we are trying to start a healing garden at the house.

I once made a list of all the plants we could forage from our property and within walking distance. Did you know we had over 35 useful plants nearby?! I bet you hadn't even considered some of these plants. Let's look at at some late spring foraging for Southern Ontario.

Dandelion - Botanists consider dandelions to be herbs. People use the leaves, stem, flower, and root of the dandelion for medicinal purposes. 

Plantain- The young, tender leaves can be eaten raw, and the older, stringier leaves can be boiled in stews and eaten. We use is for stings, scrapes, creams and coughs.

Blackberry, raspberry, strawberry leaves - These are amazing for teas and have many healing properties.

Burdock - Burdock leaves are great for stings and rashes, while the roots have other helpful properties.

Wild violet - Known to strengthen the immune system and reduce inflammation. Spring is a typical time for sore throats, colds, sinus infections, and other respiratory conditions. Violets, eaten or taken as a tea can help soothe these issues

Chives - We have these growing wild in our back yard. They taste great in salads and other dishes. My boys like to snack on them.

Garlic mustard - Garlic mustard is edible and should be harvested when young. The roots taste much like horseradish and the leaves are bitter when mature. The first-year plant is a rosette, and its leaves can be harvested year around.

What else would you add to the list?

If you love nature you'll love this series about exploring nature through the 5 senses.  Learn more about sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch.

Ideas to help sibling connections

As parents we wish for our children to get along and be best friends. Like any relationship it takes work to build close relationships. Let’s look at some practical and fun ways we can foster those relationships.

The boys love playing outside

1. Try to find some activities that your children can do together. I know it can be challenging when there are age gaps, but if you are creative there is usually something that might be of interest.

• Open-ended art activities
• Sensory play
• Combine interests (playing store + space = space store)
• Baking
• Toys that can be used by many ages

My boys often enjoy lego, dominos, marble runs, and imaginative play together.

TJ and MJ playing home-made board games

2. Add in some fun family activities that get everyone laughing and feeling happy

• Dance party
• Rough housing
• Jokes
• Playing outside

Dance parties, sand play, "tickle monster" and "Pie in the face" with whip cream are favourites here.

3. Include siblings in caring for each other. Encourage and teach them how to help with minor wounds or when another sibling is sick. Give them tasks that let them be helpers and comforters.

My youngest has created his own medical bag and prides himself on handing out bandaids as needed.

The boys a few years ago

4. Special time for siblings. Just as special time is important between the parent and child, it can be great for siblings too. It might work to set aside a structured regular time together. Find an activity they can enjoy, or a special project just for them. You might want to test this idea out with different sibling combinations if you have more than two kids.

My oldest and youngest have a very special bond. They love to play with stuffed animals and read together. We are helping the younger two to find some activities they both share in common to help them with their relationship. 

5. Build in special rituals into your day for siblings to say good-bye or goodnight to each other.  For our family we try to remember to wish each other well on our way out the door. To pause and actually say “I hope you have fun at swimming” or whatever they are off to.

At night the older boys like to come in and help tuck in their younger brother and give him a hug.

TJ and JJ building a robot costume

6. Unite your kids on a mission. This could be a special project like a card for someone, or a fun game you invent. Perhaps you want your kids to make a family video or newsletter. You can also get the kids to team up against you (in a fun way) for a water fight, or silly race. Team-work is what we are going for here.

Our favourite memories are of water fights and working together to decorate for parties together.

 

7. Start a family kindness journal, or notes for each other. At the beginning of family meetings it is always recommended to start with affirmations and appreciations. You could record these to reflect on when times are more challenging.  

For the month of February my boys wrote notes of appreciation and taped them to each others bedroom doors each day.

 

Listen to this podcast episode here:

What else would you add to the list?

Creating a Closer Connection with your Child

One thing I always try to remember is connection over correction. Your child needs to know that they are loved unconditionally, not just when they behave well.  They need to know and feel that we are on their side. A secure child will learn to love him/her self and be able to show more love to others.

 

Every time you are apart from your child is an opportunity to reconnect. From waking in the morning, coming off of screens or independent playtime, and getting home from school. Each of these transitions is a time of separation and the perfect chance to work on your relationship with your child. This can be a warm smile, hug, or taking an interest in what they have been doing. Avoid jumping in with a list of things they need to do. Take a moment first to say hello, welcome them back into the relationship before moving forward with any requests.

 

“No amount of ‘parenting skills’ can make up for an eroded parent-child bond. It’s like riding a bike up a very steep hill. By contrast, parenting with a good relationship is like coasting downhill – you still have to pay attention and stay on the road, and twists and turns certainly arise, but the momentum is with you.” – Dr. Laura Markham

Let us take a look at several ways to connect with your child. Assume that you will have to put in a significant amount of time in order to build a healthy relationship and bond. Take heart though it is never too late.

• Create small rituals that reconnect you with your child throughout the day. This is especially important around separation times. Extra snuggles, hugs, smiles, or fun secret handshake let you child know that you are always there for them. It is really helpful to connect first before requiring your child to move into the tasks of the day.

• Give your child some extra attention right before a time of separation or perceived separation. This will help to fill their emotional bucket before going off to bed, school, even making supper or shopping.

• Physical touch. Give lots of hugs, gentle touch, and smiles through out the day. You can also wear younger ones and have some fun rough housing with older children.

• Turn off technology when interacting with your child. Give them your full attention. Actually put down the phone or turn away from the computer if you are working from home. Your child will always remember that they were more important to you than the cell phone as they get older.

• Spend time together as a family. You’ll find out what works best for your family. Dinners, games, stories and hikes are all fantastic opportunities to turn off the technology and focus on each other. Make the atmosphere relaxed and enjoyable so that your kids will feel comfortable opening up and laughing.

• Get into your child's world. Share their hobbies and interests. Find activities you can do together.

• Special Time is a great parenting strategy. This is where you spend regular quality time with your child. Let the child decide the activity.

• Don’t let little rifts build up. If you’ve had a challenging time with your child, or you are in the middle of one, be sure to reconnect before moving on. It can be humbling as an adult, but it send a powerful message of love when you take the time to reconnect after withdrawing your emotional connection.

• The 5 Love Languages for Kids by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell offers a unique insight into the ways most people feel they receive love the best.  These include:
• Gifts
• Acts of service
• Physical touch
• Words of affirmation
• Quality time

I created a Pinterest board to give you more ideas of how that might look for your family. Love languages for kid Pinterest board

 

One of the primary basic needs of all humans is to feel a sense of belonging and significance. Taking the time to foster a deeper relationship with your child and work on the connection you have will go a long way to improving your family’s life together.

Did you know you can watch the YouTube version of this article here. I go into more depth and include lots of examples. In fact I decided to break the video into two bite-sized parts. 

PART 1 Video

PART 2 Video

Are you looking to improve your family relationships? 

Join our parenting support group on Facebook

Want to create a deeper connection with God and your children?

The Joyful Motherhood Devotional is now available on Amazon and Kindle. Click the image or link for a free 5 day sample.

Our Favourite Podcasts for Kids

My boys love podcasts. They listen to them during quiet time, in the car, to calm down. Okay all the time! Here are 20 of our favourites.

Science
Wow in the World
Brains on
Smash Boom Best
But Why

Stuff You Sould Know

Nature
Earth Rangers
Animal Sound Safari
Overheard by Nationl Geographic

Stories and Literacy
Story Pirates
Circle Round
Sparkle Stories
Eleanor Amplified
The Alien Adventures of Finn Caspian
Greeking Out
Tulip Tree Tales

Faith
Kids Corner
Adventures in Odysey

Other
Big Life Kids - growth mindset
Masterpiece Makers - artists, art history

Forever Ago

Now it's your turn. What are your kids' favourite podcasts?

Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram @joyfulmupuddles 

and join our Facebook Group

Mothers Encouraging Mothers

Mothers

Faithfully loving their children

Giving of themselves, their time, and resources

Giving unconditionally

Love

Moms I want to tell you personally how incredible you are. You are a wonderful, caring, powerful force in your child's life.  Just by showing up every day, doing your best and trying over and over again, you are a blessing. You are a great mom!

In giving so much of yourself I know that you often end up running on empty. Sometimes you may feel like you have nothing left to give, or that your patience is running thin. But you cannot give if you have poured out everything you have. I want to encourage you this weekend to recharge, refresh and renew that beautiful spirit inside of you.  I know your situation right now may not allow for much time, but there are so many ways to check in with yourself and meet your needs. It doesn't have to be a big gesture (although that is amazing if you have the time and resources), and you could ask of another person to help with it.

Some self-care ideas that come to mind:

• Take a shower or bath
• Have some quiet time to yourself (put the phone away)
• Read
• Pray
• Walk
• Get outside
• Colour
• Draw
• Create something (this can be done with the kids too like baking or painting)
• Dance party
• Yoga
• Listen to music
• Drink more water 
• Savour your favourite drink
• Meditate
• Skip some house work
• Watch a show without guilt
• Get takeout or have the family make dinner
• Focus on breathing
• Do one thing that you love
• Get dressed in your favourite outfit
• Call a friend

I know that sometimes you may feel weary. Or perhaps you have another mom friend who is feeling that way. This journey of motherhood can be full of challenges and joys (sometimes in the same half hour). I asked several groups of mothers what advice or kind words they would have for  struggling weary mom.  Their hearts poured out with these encouraging words of wisdom and love.

• Be kind to yourself and show yourself as much grace as you would show your best friend.

• Remember that Love is the greatest characteristic anyone could have.

• My best advice is to plug yourself into a support group of some kind. Even a casual coffee group with one or two others who can relate and offer support for each other. Makes all the difference in the world when you can hear that your not the only one going through struggles. Really it does!

• Focus on the moment.......be consistent; observant; persistent, understanding, and a good listener. 'No' is not a bad word....teach no from early on. Most of all, teach your children to walk with God, and trust Him, every moment of their lives.

• Lower the Bar. Anytime I feel like I am getting tired and frustrated to a point that I can see myself becoming a version of myself I do not like, I expect less. From myself, from my kids, for the day. I simply focus on love but throw everything else out the window until I feel recharged and dedicated to being intentional again. Laundry, cleaning, activities, schooling; all of it can wait until it can be done peacefully and happily, by all. Hang in there. Lower the bar.  

• Take it one day at a time

• Your best is enough in any given moment. Be sure to take even just 5 minutes for self care here and there throughout each day. Do something that makes you feel happy. When our cup is full, we can then help fill others cups.

• Give yourself grace

• Set yourself one goal for the day....I used to write a list of a million jobs a day and then felt like a failure when I didn’t achieve them...now it’s just one job, eg strip and make bed. If I get more done it’s great but if not I don’t worry about it. It’s tough sometimes. Getting out of our house helps too.

• Keep breathing. It’s never easy but rewarding. Remember to breath.

• Forgiveness is a huge factor in my life right now. Forgiveness of myself, of others, and others of me.

• Drop the balls. For real, no more trying to juggle everything. My advice is to stop trying to do it all, to stop trying to be that perfect mom (because she doesn't exist). Try to be present and love on your kids the best you can, and drop the rest of it like a hot potato. Oh, and get away from them... the kids, that is... for at least two hours a week. Knowing that break us coming makes it easier.

• Relationship trumps academics. Always chose relationship.

• You're not alone. We all have bad moments even if we only show the highlights to others.

• If your friend is feeling weary just listen

May you have a fabulous Mother's Day connecting with your family. Hopefully you will get a chance to rest and feel refreshed. Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

Engage your children's learning with themed days

We've been at home for almost two months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. As time wears on my boys are loosing interest in learning and school work is becoming a chore. My boys mentioned that they had nothing to look forward to. All their classes and events have been canceled and each day is blurring into the next. This comes in handy when they have no idea if it is the weekend and I can sneak in some extra school work.

In order to combat the boredom and liven up our time together we added some fun themed days to our calendar. Pinterest along with Teachers Pay Teachers are two websites that have been my go to for quick ideas and educational worksheets.

We started off with the basics:

No chore day
No school work day
Backwards day - where we ran our day backwards

Those were a nice change from the mundane, but we craved more. I wanted to include some educational components while still making the units fun. I began making Pinterest board on any fun topic I could think of. I looked for easy to plan, fun activities and simple worksheets. 

I was sure to include something for mathematics and english. We also watched relevant videos like the history of each topic or how it was made. Beyond that I looked for art projects, building and STEM projects, games and food we could include. In fact I found so many amazing ideas for each that we ended up taking 2-3 days for each topic.

This worked out beautifully because in one week we could get some regular school work done and include a fun theme to make our days at home more enjoyable. 

Then we chose topics that were tasty and fun

Chocolate day
Pizza day
Cereal day

My boys loved themes that went with popular books and movies

Star Wars Day is May the 4
Green Ember
Harry Potter
Minecraft

Other fun themes we have planned 

Dinosaur day
Medieval
Camping - yes we went camping in our back yard



I'd love to add some more fun days to the rest of our school year and maybe into the summer. Most of the time you can use items you have around the house. There are enough activities to choose from that you can pick what works best for your unique family.

I'd love to hear from you. Let me know what topics your children would pick in the comments!

For more support in your parenting journey follow Joyful Mud Puddles on Facebook and Instagram @joyfulmudpuddles 

and join our Facebook Support Group

I messed up and got angry. Now what?

"I messed up"

"I got angry"

"I snapped"

My friend,  I hold your heart gentle in my hands. You are safe here, I've got you. Take a deep breath... go on..and let it all out.

I know you feel like you've messed up, again. Maybe you are worried that you've ruined your kids and damaged them. Perhaps you are mad at yourself because you know better and can't believe you snapped. It is okay. You are not alone.

We are only human and there is only so much pressure we can take. I promise I won't gloss over your pain with catchy phrases and things you already know.

What I do want to offer you is hope. Yes! If you are willing to consider this as an opportunity growth and change. There are a few things I really want to sink in...

💖 You are not alone, parents everywhere, in fact humans everywhere mess up. We make mistakes.

💖 You are not the mistakes you made. You are not a failure, or a mess-up. 

💖 You are loved. Your children love you deeply and desperately want to re-connect with you (I can hear them just outside the door). The one who made you is loving on you right now, what ever or whomever you believe in. Know that you are here for a reason.

💖 This doesn't have to be another "again". You can break the cycle of how this one moment impacts your family.

I wonder how you feel now? What empathy can you offer yourself? What would you say to your child if they messed up? Go ahead and tell that to your own inner child. Take your time. Have a good cry. Your feelings are valid.

Once you are feeling a little better about yourself and what happened. You could turn this around and use it as an opportunity to model amazing grace into the lives of your children and yourself. 

Perspective - A lot of thoughts come from our own fears, about how our children will turn out, and who they will become. Some of what upsets us is actually out of our control. Consider your perspective and see if you might be able to let go a little.

Self regulation - It is so hard to regulate our own emotions, but so important so we can be a good model for our children. Working to deal with your triggers is important. If you need some suggestions please let me know. There are a lot of good apps for breathing, meditation and yoga. Keep practicing, it will get easier. 

In my new course Joyful Motherhood we will introduce some self regulation and the importance of that. I also found it really helpful to set a timer and check in with myself throughout the day. I often get so wrapped up with the kids that I forget to take care of myself.

Reconnect - You children just want you. They are so understanding and forgiving. But it may take a bit of work to reconnect with your kids after getting upset. Try to get into their world, find out what interests them, or just spend time being near them and see if they open up.

Repair - Many of us grew up with loving parents who parented from a different mindset. Did your parents ever apologize to you? How did that make you feel? What do you wish they had done or handled their outburst or yours? Do you see the power you have right now to change things for future generations?! You are modelling for them how to handle mistakes, how to repair broken relationships. It may feel humbling and awkward at first, but a do-over is always possible.

Enjoy - Rediscover the joy in parenting. Savor those little moment in the day. See if you can get in touch with your playful side and bring a little fun back in.

Try again - In my post last week,  I shared some thoughts and tips about what to do the moment you get upset. Take some time to read that through and practice. The more you practice you will re-train your brain so the next time you will remember hopefully some of it will stick. Then try again.


If this post resonates with you please consider joining the Gentle/Peaceful Parenting Community on Facebook or connect with me about Parenting Coaching.