Gentle parenting impacts learning

 

Do you learn best when you are feeling anxious, angry, shamed, or disconnected? Probably not. Most people thrive in a calm, loving environment where they feel safe to explore. Learning is vulnerable we "take chances, make mistakes and get messy," as Ms. Frizzy from the Magic School Bus likes to say. Gentle parenting will be a huge help to your child no matter if they are in school or homeschooling. As a parent I know you are invested in their education.

In this podcast I talk about:

• What is gentle parenting?
• Specific parenting strategies that help learning and school work
• Coping Strategies for children

Listen to the episode here:

What is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting helps children feel a sense of connection. It is mutually respectful and encouraging. Any gentle parenting strategies are effective long term and teach important social and life skills. Gentle parenting invites children to discover they are capable. Jane Nelson of Positive Discipline

Click image to download the workbook

Positive parenting strategies that help with school work

Parenting communication tools that can be used to gain cooperation, understanding and better connection with your child. These are some strategies that help specifically with learning. You may also enjoy this free video series with even more parenting strategies to fill your tool box.

Asking not telling: Ask open ended questions to get your child thinking. Rather than telling a child what to do all the time, ask for their opinion. Get them to think of the next steps or how to handle a problem.

Taking time for training: Slow down, model and teach routines and methods. Don't always assume your kids should know or remember how to do something.

Routines: Having a strong rhythm and routines helps a child know what is coming next. Their stress and anxiety levels drop and the can relax. This allows them to enjoy the moment and leaves space for curiosity.

Problem Solving: Focusing on solutions, brainstorming and working together helps a child to move past rote learning and into exploration. Throughout our lives we will come across the need to think outside the box and solve problems. Teach your children how to work through their struggles, how to define the problem, brainstorm, choose a solution, evaluate and try again. 

Small Steps: As adults we can often see the big picture and break it down mentally into smaller steps, although many do struggle with that. Children can get overwhelmed easily when a task looks to big to tackle. Help them by breaking it down into smaller chunks and teach them to do the same. A large project, even chores can be broken own into manageable tasks.

Encouragement: Children do not need empty praise and external motivation to learn. However knowing that you believe in them, encouraging and building up their strengths help with their internal motivation and self-esteem. 

Kind and Firm: Gentle parents are not passive. It is good to set loving limits, to be kind and firm. If you and your child have made an agreement, then the agreement needs to be upheld. Of course there will be compromise and discussions, you do not need to be harsh. When work needs to be done you can still offer empathy and hold boundaries.

Empower your kids: Children long to be independent and in charge. Look for ways to offer choice, ask their opinions, and take the lead.

Winning cooperation

Parents often struggle with getting their kids to listen, do as they are told and obey . No one likes being told what to do all the time. It creates resentment, anger and sneaky behavior to get out of the work. Do you recognize this in your home? What if there was another way?

Children often listen when they feel heard and understood. Empathy communication is a way of listening first and them moving towards problem solving. The first step is to observe and state the facts without all the blame, shame or name-calling. Then consider your feelings and your child's. It can be hard to with with those feelings, or to recognize that a child's behavior doesn't always match how they feel. Next look past the feelings and towards the needs behind those feelings. Our emotions are often a warning light showing us that something isn't going well (or that life is fabulous). What need was your child trying to meet with their behavior? What are your needs right now? How can we meet both our needs? Now we are ready to problem solve and work towards a common goal. If you want an in-depth look at this check out Marshall Rosenberg's Non-violent communication.

Coping Skills for kids

Talking about feelings in your home makes emotions welcome. Your children will be less likely to stuff their feelings down and hide them. While it can be a challenge to deal with big feelings, it goes a long way to help our children grow into healthy adults who can handle their own emotions better.

There are many ways to copy with our emotions, especially those that cause frustration or worry. Coping skills are healthy strategies to help us manage rather than feeling overwhelmed.

• Calming strategies are those that help the mind and body to relax. 
• Distraction strategies help take your mind of your problems for a while
• Physical strategies are great for burning of energy or getting you energized when you need to get going.
• Processing strategies are those that encourage you to reflect and work through the emotions.

A connected child feels understood and safe. When a person feels safe, their defenses go down. They are more willing to cooperate and learning can happen. Connecting with your child helps them to learn. All of these strategies work towards creating a closer bond with your child. Homeschooling and helping your child with their school work is all about relationships.

Watch the YouTube video workshop here:

Resources mentioned on the podcast:

Brave Writer with Julie Bogart (I also got to interview Julie here)

Positive Discipline with Jane Nelson

Non-Violent Communication with Marshall Rosenberg

There are many blog posts linked and many more resources I'd love to share with you. Be sure to look around the blog here for more on gentle parenting and homeschooling.

Blog

YouTube

Pinterest

The power of a gentle answer

 

Have you ever noticed that you get defensive and guarded when someone speaks to you harshly?

 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger Proverbs 15:1

This verse has so much meaning in the way we speak to anyone, ourselves included. Empathy and compassion go a long way to being heard and understood.  Today, take notice of the way you speak to others, in your marriage, with friends, and in business. You may find that the snippy cashier softens her tone when you respond kindly. We often forget that the other person may have a lot going on in their lives that we can’t see.

Your children feel the same way about being spoken to harshly, and they will copy that tone in how they respond back or deal with siblings. When one of my boys is upset he will name call or put down another sibling. Of course, that gets the other boys, going and soon there is a huge shouting match going on. For my passionate boys this can escalate very quickly into something physical all because of the slip of the tongue. Helping my boys to work through their misunderstandings and offering empathy towards their hurt feelings goes a long way to deescalate the situation. 

Proverbs 15:4 reminds us that our words can bring life, but can also pierce like the sword in Proverbs 12:18. It is important to guard your tongue. 

It is time to break the cycle. Choose your words carefully and consider your tone. If you notice that someone is speaking to your rudely try responding with kindness and see if that changes their approach. Most often they felt threatened and defensive. Of course, it can be hard not to take things personally and get offended, and you may mess up along the way. But the more often you respond with a gentle answer, the easier it will become. 

Think about how you would want to be spoken to. Your children, I know, will want to be spoken to in the same way. They long for a listening ear and tender words. Now go out into your day and offer that same love, grace, empathy, and enthusiasm to those around you. Be the magnetic force, that amazing person that every one opens up to because they know you will respond in love. 

Taken from Joyful Motherhood: Deepen your connection with God and your children. 

Reflect

What is God saying to you today?

How is your mood connected to the words you speak?

What are your biggest challenges in offering a gentle response? 

Is there anything about your tone or language God is asking you to change? 

Recall a time you responded gently. How did that feel? Celebrate the gentle loving mother you are.

Bible verses on speech

From the KJV

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6

Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. Matthew 5:1

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. Proverbs 15:1-2

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19

FREE Posters

It can really help the to have reminders posted around the house when you are focusing on changing your behavior. I often tell people that the feelings wall in the house was put there more for myself than the kids. I needed reminders so I could be a good model for my children.

You can get free posters right here

Overcoming worry

 

*If you are struggling with anxiety please speak with your doctor or seek help. This post is not meant to make light of a serious issue or condition.*

Thanksgiving is an antidote to worry.

The world is changing; our life as we knew it has changed significantly. Major world events have a way of rocking the boat and making big waves. As I write this, the whole world has shut down due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It feels unsafe and scary. Every day there is news of health concerns and injustice. Add to this all the pressures of daily life, work, school, and parenting. No wonder we feel a sense of fear and anxiety looming over us.

But we cannot live life in fear. No one can operate well from a place of worry and stress. It will cripple you and shut you down. So what can you do? How can you break free of the anxiety and fear that has gripped you and me?

Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us not to be anxious but to go to God in prayer and to be thankful, then his peace will guard our hearts.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Thanksgiving is an antidote. It sets your mind on blessings and the source of all those good things (James 1:7). A heart of gratitude fills up with hope. We are reminded of our powerful God who brings us peace.

Yes, even peace in our hearts amongst the chaos and pain. As you give thanks for all that you have and what he has done in the past, God’s faithfulness will reassure you that He will always help you through anything you face.

Notice too that coming to God in prayer, sharing your worries, and giving them to Him will also give you peace. Now don’t just complain and vent and keep those worries in your heart. You need to believe that He will take your anxious thoughts from consuming your energy and time.

There have been many times in my life that I let anxiety take over. The first time we went through contract renewals in our family business worry about our financial stability consumed me. I desperately began looking for ways to earn money and stay at home with my children. To be honest I can barely remember whole seasons of their childhood around that time. Praise God He has taught me an important lesson. I know this world is not all there is for me. I have a heavenly home that is perfect. These troubles here are temporary. I can choose to spend my time worrying or I can live a life of joy. I choose joy.

This was taken from the Joyful Motherhood Devotional.

How can I help my children with worry and anxiety?

Whatever we practice and learn for ourselves we can also teach our children. When you set your mind on the gift and blessings in your life, you also set you mind on the giver of those gifts.

• Tell someone about your worries or journal, don't keep them in your head
• Pray and share your anxious thoughts with God
• Take time to reflect on times when God has been faithful
• Remind yourself of His character
• List your blessings and thank God for all he has done
• Fill your mind with truths, even write them out or repeat them

Bible Verses about Worry and Anxiety

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you Psalm 56:3 ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ Matthew 6:31

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand Isaiah 41:10

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 118:6

When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Proverbs 3:24

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation. Psalm 118:21

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 118:1

Reflect

What are you worried or anxious about? 

Are you worried about something but have no let go of that? 

Are you giving thanks in all areas of your life? 

Do you have faith and believe that God will give you peace? 

Recall a time when you felt God’s peace.

You are more than just a mom

 

*This post includes affiliate links

You are more than JUST a mom!

Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself in this motherhood role? You used to have passions, hobbies, an identity.

I wear many hats and play many roles as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, business owner, etc. As a Christian another identity I have is in Christ. I am a daughter of the Most High God! A daughter of the King! Wow that is powerful.

Read Galatians 4:4-7

Motherhood changes everything. It turns your life around and consumes you. Your tiny precious baby needs all your attention. Even as they grow children need you. But it can begin to feel like that has become your identity. I want to remind you my friend that you are more than just a mom. Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is to be honored and is very worthy. But you are more. Don’t lose yourself in the journey of parenting. Your children can see that and you will too. Resentment, bitterness, longing, and depression can set in when you think of all the other things in life you had wanted to do.  

I remember slowly packing away more and more of my craft supplies with each new baby I brought home. We needed the space and my handiwork was not a priority. I love to be creative and crafting is my outlet. I didn’t notice the difference in me at first as I was too busy with my boys, but as time went on I began to miss it. One day while cleaning my closet I brought out the sewing machine. My boys were fascinated and asked me to show them how it worked. This opened up a whole new way for my children and me to connect. 

Be sure to keep up with your hobbies, passions, and interests. Share what brings you joy with your family. Not only is it a great model for being a healthy adult, but it will bring you closer too. Your kids want to get to know the real you.

Someone else wants to get to know the real you too. When I say you are more than just a mom, I want you to know you are a daughter too. Not only do you have your earthly parents but, you have a loving Heavenly Father who cares deeply for you. 

You are a daughter of the King! You, yes you the one reading this. You are a princess and joint-heir with Jesus Christ. Can you feel the power and overwhelming love wrapped up in those statements? 

In the same way that your children depend on you for all things, so we can depend on God. He will provide for all your physical needs. Our wonderful Father also gives us wisdom, love, forgiveness, and even correction. As you move through these devotionals think about how your relationship with God is also a reflection of your relationship with your children. As you are growing closer to God, learning principles and truths, you can also apply these to your children. You have many roles in life and, many relationships with family, friends, and work. You are a daughter and a mother learning and guiding at the same time. Some of you may even be trying to re-parent yourself as you parent your children. Never forget who you are, whose child and daughter you are.

Watch on YouTube:

Joyful Motherhood is a 31 day devotional for busy moms. Deepen your connection with God and your children. Now available on Amazon and Kindle. 

Being Highly Sensitive

 

I am sure you noticed that social media only shows what people want you to see. I am hear to break through that barrier and show you the real me. You may not know that I got overwhelmed and burned out just before Christmas. Thanks to scheduling posts and episodes you never noticed. Today I'm sharing some tips on how to help deal with the overwhelm and about being a highly sensitive person.

In this episode I talk about:

• Overwhelm - how to handle it
• Highly sensitive - what it means
• Super powers - benefits
• What I'm doing to help myself
• Highly sensitive parenting
• Highly sensitive entrepreneur

Overwhelm 

When you are feeling overwhelmed try to pause and pray. Share your worries with God and get those thoughts out of your mind. Even just speaking them aloud helps to stop the cycle of worry.

Cut out what you can from your schedule so you have a moment to breath. If you have obligations, then perhaps let go of some high expectations you have set for yourself in other areas. 

It is okay relax. In fact it is essential. As a highly sensitive person self-care and down time are needed so you can prioritize what lies ahead to move forward.

What does it mean to be highly sensitive

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a term for those who are thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. 

The highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment. (Dr. Elaine Aron The Highly Sensitive Person) 

This can include external stimuli, like your surroundings and the people you’re with, or internal stimuli, like your own thoughts, emotions and realizations. (Highly Sensitive Refuge)

Super powers

• Emotional awareness 
• Great empathy 
• Passionate 
• Sense of justice and fairness 
• Sees beauty all over 
• Appreciates small things 
• Contentious 
• Notices subtleties 
• Creative 
• Deep thinkers 
• Self-aware

Highly Sensitive Parent

You may notice these things about yourself: 

• More attuned to your children’s needs and emotions. 
• Take on others emotions easily 
• Overwhelmed easily by loud noises 
• Feel deeply 
• Thrive on routine 
• Sensitive to sensory input 
• Find you need more frequent breaks and down time

What may help: 

• The key challenge is learning to handle the stress and sensory overload that can accompany raising a child 
• Simplify your life (environment, schedule, rhythm, clutter) 
• Check in with your body often 
• Self-care and coping skills are essential 
• Find a support network (I'd be honoured to be part of that)
• Don't take on everyone's issues

Resources Mentioned

Digital homeschool conference Homeschooling your special needs child

Myer Briggs test

Highly sensitive quiz

Other Resources

Highly Sensitive Person website

Highly sensitive person book

Highly Sensitive Parenting

Highly Sensitive Child 

Raising Your Spirited Child

Raising your Spirited Baby

Marketing to your personality website

Creating a Family Vision Board

 

I had an incredible podcast interview with Debbie Sluys this week. While we were chatting I became so inspired to create a family vision board for our year. Working as a family, you can create a picture of what your family values, and what goals you have for the year. 

This would also be an amazing activity for each family member to do personally. 

Why is a vision board effective

When we focus our attention on where we want to go, what we value most, and what is most important, we begin to move towards those things. Our actions and decisions are influenced by what is foremost on our mind. A vision board helps to create a visual reminder of our goals and dreams.

Our mindset determines our feelings, actions and results. A vision board can be a great way to represent a positive growth mindset.

How to create a family vision board

First decide if this will be a group or individual project. You could do both on separate days.

Ask yourself reflective questions. What is most important to you and where do you want to be going in life?

Gather supplies. You can get as simple or crafty as you'd like. The goal is to inspire your vision of the future. Choose what size you'd like your project to be. You can use canvas, foam core, poster board, computer paper...

Add photos, words, quotes and more to make your vision board come alive.

Share your board with others. Talk about it and get excited.

Display your vision board proudly. Look at it often and make steps to more towards your goals.

Questions to ask and reflect on

• What is important to us as a family?
• What activities would we like to do this year?
• What experiences would we like to have?
• What are our favorite things, activities, hobbies?
• What goals do we have?
• What character qualities are important to us?
• What parts of life do we enjoy right now?
• What kind of difference do you want to make in the world?

Ideas of what to include

• Photos
• Magazine or printing pictures
• Stickers
• Quotes
• Verses
• Doodles
• Writing
• Lists
• Notecards
• Post-It Notes

    Here is my Pinterest board for Family Vision Board

New Year- New Goals

Happy New Year! I am excited because this is a fresh new year with new possibilities. Although we can not tell what this year is going to be like, we do know our God is unchanging and steadfast. We can have peace going in to this year with confidence.

What are your goals for your family? 
What is your long term vision for your family?

Let's talk about:
One word for the year
Taking baby steps
Recommitting to gentle parenting
Connecting with me

My one word, my goal for myself this year is ABIDE. I came across this work while reading John 15. Jesus reminds us to remain/abide in Him. I feel like the word abide is more impactful than remain. I will cling to, remain, stand firm in my faith to the LORD.

For my family my goal is CONNECTION. I didn't speak to this as much on the podcast episode. But I would like to have a deeper connection with my children and to help them work on their relationships with each other. 

After months of being together, they are starting to get more frustrated with each other rather than closer. I am planning to avoid our usual winter cabin fever this year!

Something we need to remember is that when we try to take on too many changes at once, we often fail, burnout, or give up. Try making baby steps, or doing one small doable change. 

In committing to be a more gentle peaceful parent you may face some challenges. Parenting is difficult. Add to that a pandemic and social distancing, it can be even harder. I wish you all the best this year. Let's make 2021 a year of growth, transformation, joy, and peace.

A year in review for Joyful Mud Puddles

Back in March of 2020 when the world shut down due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I felt the itch to start blogging again after a long break. God placed it on my heart to do more than just blog occasionally. He wanted me to become a parenting coach so I could offer support to struggling parents.

As time went on the idea grew larger. Not only did I start blogging again, I became a parenting coach, started a podcast, built a growing online community and published a book! Not to mention the many guest appearances on TV, podcasts, magazines, blogs and newspapers.

 

Wow I can't believe the Joyful Mud Puddles Podcast is on episode 33 already! Check out these amazing episodes (first few episodes didn't have blog posts)

1. Welcome to the Joyful Mud Puddles Podcast 
2. Alternative strategies to punishments and rewards 
3. Interview with Brooke Gordon - Health and Strategic Life Coach 
4. Challenges facing peaceful parents 
5. Interview with Erin Fleming Parenting and Unschooling Coach 
6. Self Regulation for the whole family 
7. Interview with Sasha Walsh Adaptive Yoga 
8. Talking about Feelings with your Family 
9. Ideas to help siblings connect 
10. Creating a Language Rich Home with Julie Bogart of Brave Writer 
11. The Heart of Homeschooling - Creating a homeschooling journey for your unique family 
12. Interview with Kristie Burns - Waldorf Education and Earthschooling Curriculum 
13. Interview with Zara Fagen Minimalist Homeschooling 
14. Homeschooling Advice from Lindsey Casselman 
15. Fit and Healthy Families: Interview with Dr. Orlena Kerek 
16. How to get your child to listen 
17. Infant Sleep Development: Interview with Heather Boyd 
18. Speech-Language Pathologist Interview with Rebecca Wong Kai Pun 
19. Understanding Obedience and Cooperation for Christian Parents 
20. Choosing the right Dog for your family: Podcast Interview with Michelle Stern 
21. Simplicity Parenting Interview with Kim John Payne 
22. Top Tips for Handling Overwhelm 
23. How to SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE from drowning in clutter 
24. How to SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE with a predictable rhythm 
25. How to SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE by balancing your schedule 
26. Supporting your teens – Interview with Charlene Clark 
27. Moms Supporting Each Other – Interview with Ashley Davis 
28. Balancing Working and Being a mom – Interview with Lori Ervin 
29. Self Care for Moms – Interview with Jackie Johnson 
30. How to Avoid Holiday Overwhelm and Burnout 
31. Help! My kids don't play with toys
32. Christmas Treasures – A lesson from Mary
33. A year in review

Christmas Treasures - Lessons from Mary

 

As we get closer to Christmas our thoughts turn towards Jesus' birth. Over the years I have considered different parts of the Nativity. Often wondering what it would have been like for each of the people involved.  There are many wonderful picture books written from a different perspectives. All of which still choke me up year after year at the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This year as I have been wrapped up in the middle of writing a devotional book for mothers, a single verse stuck out in the book of Luke. 

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19

 

My mind has been focused this year on the connection between our relationship with God and how that is reflected in our relationship with our children.

Here we see Mary soaking in everything that has been going on around her. Remembering most likely her visit with the angel Gabriel, her miraculous pregnancy, Jesus birth, and the visit with the shepherds. So much to take in all at once especially having just given birth, and in a stable! God had come down and touched her life very personally. He was real and faithful in His promises. So Mary treasured this moment in her heart. There were no iPhones around to snap a photo. Mary could not even grasp the magnitude of all that had happened. But she knew it was a special moment and this was an incredibly special baby.

As a mom I can relate to Mary. The miracle of birth, even in all the chaos that follows, amazes us as we hold our precious new born. These treasured moments connect us to our little one and the One who created this little miracle.

In the busyness of life do you still take time to treasure moments and think about them?

Do you stand in awe of all God has done in your life? 

Do you pause during your day to be present with your children? 

To savor the moment and take a picture in your mind. There is so much more to remember than a photograph can show. The feelings, the events surrounding that moment and the significant meaning of it all. Some times as mothers we get caught up in the details of life, our to-do lists and work. Time passes all too quickly and we realize we rely on Facebook memories to remember special events in our lives.

Take a lesson from Mary. This Christmas I encourage you to take the time to thank God for all the blessings in your life. Consider the magnitude, wonder and events of the first Christmas. Worship Jesus, who came personally into the world to rescue, love and forgive us. And be sure to pause in the midst of your festivities to enjoy being with your kids. Treasure all these things. Store them in your heart and think about them.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

Matthew 6:21

Help! My kids don't play with toys

*This post contains affiliate links.

Kids and toys go hand in hand, don't they? Not necessarily.

What do you do if your child isn't really interested in toys? I can't be the only one whose children would rather play with the egg beater or a hammer over race cars and dolls.

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? How do you handle it? 

 

Listen to the podcast episode here:

Some toys may hold your kids' attention longer than others, and your children may go through phases with their interests. That is okay and totally normal. I want you to know you are not alone. Society puts way too much pressure on parents. You know big toymakers and marketing to children are relatively new in the history of the world.[1]

For centuries children may have had a few simple toys, a doll, a ball, and nature objects. They would participate in the real work of running the home or become an apprentice. Kids used to just spend hours exploring outside. The idea of children needing entertainment to fill the hours of their day would have seemed ridiculous (just go ask your own parents or grandparents).

I'd like to challenge your thinking just slightly if I may

• Are you okay with your children not really being interested in traditional toys? 
• What is your comfort level towards children doing 'real' work or projects?
• Do you feel you need to entertain your children?
• What would happen if your kids were bored?
• What are they interested in?
• In your mind what is the purpose of play?

When we change our thinking about play we can begin to think of all sorts of new and creative ways to engage our children. Did you know that there are around 16 different types of play? [2] That is far more than the dramatic, construction, and creative play areas we most often think about. Play is all about doing an activity for fun rather than a specific purpose.

All that being said let's take a look at some toys and activities that may engage your children.

Gross motor play: perhaps your children would prefer movement and climbing.

• Climbing wall
• Nugget couch or lots of couch cushions
• Swings - inside or outside
• Indoor play structure
• Pickle triangle
• Outside at playgrounds or nature
• Obstacle course
• Balance beams
• Sports equipment
• Passes to indoor playground or trampoline park
• Passes to conservation area

Creative play: Your children love art and making things

• Paints
• Paper
• Colouring supplies
• Scissors
• Tape (lots of tape)
• Plasticine
• Clay
• Chalk
• Glitter (Ha just joking, don't do glitter)
• Subscription box

Sensory play: Maybe your child love to touch and feel, or get messy

• Playdough
• Kinetic sand
• Oobleck (cornstarch and water)
• Slime
• Slimebaff
• Water beads
• DIY sensory bins (or support a small business who makes kits)
• Water play
• Sandbox
• Mud or dirt
• Nature, just get outside
• Fake snow
• Kitchen experiments (think vinegar and baking soda, or using up old kitchen supplies)
• Clay
• Plasticine
• Loose parts (so many options there)

Construction play: You have a little builder on your hands

• Lego or similar
• Magnetic tiles
• Wooden blocks
• Marble runs
• Mechano
• Lincoln logs
• Minecraft or other screen activities
• Recycling bin and lots of tape
• Construction set
• Real tools
• Sandbox
• Loose parts
• Woodworking, whittling

Designer/engineer: Your child has the best inventions

• Thrift store items to take apart
• Subscription boxes
• STEAM toys
• Lego
• Minecraft or other screen games
• Coding
• Real tools
• Building kits
• Marble runs
• Loose parts
• Lots of tape (lol)
• Make your own inventor kit or buy one
• Fort building
• Ask friends and family for broken items your child can investigate
• Tour factories or historic sites
• Gears and gear toys
• Mechano
• Robot kits, sets and toys
• Woodworking 
• Apprentice

So perhaps you have a few ideas now. But you may have some questions and nagging doubts still.

Okay, This sounds great but my kids are just aimless when they have free time. They wrestle and fight and are sooo loud! What do I do?

I totally understand where you are coming from. We actually have industrial headphones in our home because it can get noisy and we have a bungalow with no basement. Here are some things to consider before you give up and get too frustrated.

Are your children used to a structured day at school or daycare? They may not know what to do with free time unless you have a chat about it or let them figure it out.

Does their choice of play trigger you? Perhaps you were not a rough-and-tumble child, or maybe it wasn't allowed or you have trauma there. Try not to put your personal issues on your children. It is hard, I struggle so much when my boys pick on each other because I was bullied and I get triggered.

Is it the type of play that overwhelms you or their inability to play independently, without constantly needing you there? Perhaps you could start with shorter bursts of independent playtime. You may need to model how to play independently or let them figure it out a little. Brainstorming together may just help unlock some fun ideas.

If your child needing supervision a challenge? Perhaps it is age or ability but some kids may need a bit more supervision. Are there any activities they can do without you? Can they play while you rest or do anything else? Maybe you can set aside some time for their interests and unique play, or make it part of a special time with you.

I really want to let go of my worry and trust that my kids will turn out okay.

Don't we all! Mine are the same way. I’ve invested a lot in tape and tools. My boys like real projects, tools, learning how to bake safely, etc. Two of them have rooms full of spare parts and junk. Trading parts was a big part of their summer. They go to the thrift store for things to take apart. My boys know each other so well because one gave his brother a plunger as a Christmas gift last year. 

Their lack of interest in traditional toys used to make me uncomfortable. I couldn't understand why they didn't just do what other kids did. I get very anxious about the mess. I still do as it is a lot of work to keep them contained. I do recommend knowing your own limits. Creating some contained space helps so that spare parts don't take over the house. We actually built my son a shed in the yard to contain him a little.

But my middle son who is now 10 has built a lawn tractor from scratch with a little help from daddy. Over the years he'd gather parts as my husband would repair out vehicles and other lawn tractors (yes we are a crazy family with lots of lawn tractors). He watched and helped my husband fix projects in the driveway. Then he'd run off and try to put pieces together into his own creations. Bit by bit he was learning how vehicles work and what was needed to make his own.

He is currently taking apart electronics (DVD players, typewriters, gaming consoles) and using the parts to build a computer. He is learning about what each part does, looking up the specs online, and playing around with how to fit it all into an old case. So I see the value now down the road.

Overall our children are all unique and creative. Learning to trust, let go, and challenge our own thinking is also part of the parenting journey.

References

[1] Children and Advertising History https://www.researchgate.net/publication/309565990_2015_Children_and_Advertising_History

[2] 16 Types of play https://www.encourageplay.com/blog/16-different-types-of-play