Help! My kids don't play with toys

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Kids and toys go hand in hand, don't they? Not necessarily.

What do you do if your child isn't really interested in toys? I can't be the only one whose children would rather play with the egg beater or a hammer over race cars and dolls.

Does it make you feel uncomfortable? How do you handle it? 

 

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Some toys may hold your kids' attention longer than others, and your children may go through phases with their interests. That is okay and totally normal. I want you to know you are not alone. Society puts way too much pressure on parents. You know big toymakers and marketing to children are relatively new in the history of the world.[1]

For centuries children may have had a few simple toys, a doll, a ball, and nature objects. They would participate in the real work of running the home or become an apprentice. Kids used to just spend hours exploring outside. The idea of children needing entertainment to fill the hours of their day would have seemed ridiculous (just go ask your own parents or grandparents).

I'd like to challenge your thinking just slightly if I may

• Are you okay with your children not really being interested in traditional toys? 
• What is your comfort level towards children doing 'real' work or projects?
• Do you feel you need to entertain your children?
• What would happen if your kids were bored?
• What are they interested in?
• In your mind what is the purpose of play?

When we change our thinking about play we can begin to think of all sorts of new and creative ways to engage our children. Did you know that there are around 16 different types of play? [2] That is far more than the dramatic, construction, and creative play areas we most often think about. Play is all about doing an activity for fun rather than a specific purpose.

All that being said let's take a look at some toys and activities that may engage your children.

Gross motor play: perhaps your children would prefer movement and climbing.

• Climbing wall
• Nugget couch or lots of couch cushions
• Swings - inside or outside
• Indoor play structure
• Pickle triangle
• Outside at playgrounds or nature
• Obstacle course
• Balance beams
• Sports equipment
• Passes to indoor playground or trampoline park
• Passes to conservation area

Creative play: Your children love art and making things

• Paints
• Paper
• Colouring supplies
• Scissors
• Tape (lots of tape)
• Plasticine
• Clay
• Chalk
• Glitter (Ha just joking, don't do glitter)
• Subscription box

Sensory play: Maybe your child love to touch and feel, or get messy

• Playdough
• Kinetic sand
• Oobleck (cornstarch and water)
• Slime
• Slimebaff
• Water beads
• DIY sensory bins (or support a small business who makes kits)
• Water play
• Sandbox
• Mud or dirt
• Nature, just get outside
• Fake snow
• Kitchen experiments (think vinegar and baking soda, or using up old kitchen supplies)
• Clay
• Plasticine
• Loose parts (so many options there)

Construction play: You have a little builder on your hands

• Lego or similar
• Magnetic tiles
• Wooden blocks
• Marble runs
• Mechano
• Lincoln logs
• Minecraft or other screen activities
• Recycling bin and lots of tape
• Construction set
• Real tools
• Sandbox
• Loose parts
• Woodworking, whittling

Designer/engineer: Your child has the best inventions

• Thrift store items to take apart
• Subscription boxes
• STEAM toys
• Lego
• Minecraft or other screen games
• Coding
• Real tools
• Building kits
• Marble runs
• Loose parts
• Lots of tape (lol)
• Make your own inventor kit or buy one
• Fort building
• Ask friends and family for broken items your child can investigate
• Tour factories or historic sites
• Gears and gear toys
• Mechano
• Robot kits, sets and toys
• Woodworking 
• Apprentice

So perhaps you have a few ideas now. But you may have some questions and nagging doubts still.

Okay, This sounds great but my kids are just aimless when they have free time. They wrestle and fight and are sooo loud! What do I do?

I totally understand where you are coming from. We actually have industrial headphones in our home because it can get noisy and we have a bungalow with no basement. Here are some things to consider before you give up and get too frustrated.

Are your children used to a structured day at school or daycare? They may not know what to do with free time unless you have a chat about it or let them figure it out.

Does their choice of play trigger you? Perhaps you were not a rough-and-tumble child, or maybe it wasn't allowed or you have trauma there. Try not to put your personal issues on your children. It is hard, I struggle so much when my boys pick on each other because I was bullied and I get triggered.

Is it the type of play that overwhelms you or their inability to play independently, without constantly needing you there? Perhaps you could start with shorter bursts of independent playtime. You may need to model how to play independently or let them figure it out a little. Brainstorming together may just help unlock some fun ideas.

If your child needing supervision a challenge? Perhaps it is age or ability but some kids may need a bit more supervision. Are there any activities they can do without you? Can they play while you rest or do anything else? Maybe you can set aside some time for their interests and unique play, or make it part of a special time with you.

I really want to let go of my worry and trust that my kids will turn out okay.

Don't we all! Mine are the same way. I’ve invested a lot in tape and tools. My boys like real projects, tools, learning how to bake safely, etc. Two of them have rooms full of spare parts and junk. Trading parts was a big part of their summer. They go to the thrift store for things to take apart. My boys know each other so well because one gave his brother a plunger as a Christmas gift last year. 

Their lack of interest in traditional toys used to make me uncomfortable. I couldn't understand why they didn't just do what other kids did. I get very anxious about the mess. I still do as it is a lot of work to keep them contained. I do recommend knowing your own limits. Creating some contained space helps so that spare parts don't take over the house. We actually built my son a shed in the yard to contain him a little.

But my middle son who is now 10 has built a lawn tractor from scratch with a little help from daddy. Over the years he'd gather parts as my husband would repair out vehicles and other lawn tractors (yes we are a crazy family with lots of lawn tractors). He watched and helped my husband fix projects in the driveway. Then he'd run off and try to put pieces together into his own creations. Bit by bit he was learning how vehicles work and what was needed to make his own.

He is currently taking apart electronics (DVD players, typewriters, gaming consoles) and using the parts to build a computer. He is learning about what each part does, looking up the specs online, and playing around with how to fit it all into an old case. So I see the value now down the road.

Overall our children are all unique and creative. Learning to trust, let go, and challenge our own thinking is also part of the parenting journey.

References

[1] Children and Advertising History https://www.researchgate.net/publication/309565990_2015_Children_and_Advertising_History

[2] 16 Types of play https://www.encourageplay.com/blog/16-different-types-of-play

Another major purge: Tackling the toys!

A while back I wrote about how Less is More.  That journey never ends.  Some how the belongings multiply, items enter the house through a variety of ways and we get overwhelmed with clutter.

I have discovered that the more I take out of the house, the less I really need to live a full and happy life.  Material objects seem to clutter our home, time and minds.  I'm tired of cleaning up messes all day.  Then stuffing it all back in to already packed storage spaces.  What if we only kept that which was useful, and brought us joy?

We always have a donation box on the go.  This last time I cleaned the house I thoroughly went through every draw, cupboard and item in the room.  Some rooms went much faster than others.  Either way the results looked very organized and refreshing.

Some guidelines I follow:
Have we used this recently?
Do we need so many multiples of items?
Do we love it?
Is it useful?

If one of us is not sure on an item we usually wait until next time I go through the rooms, or decide if we could sell it and use that money for something else we really need.

Our Biggest Problem:
My biggest challenge has been the boys' items!  Imagine if you will a messy boy bedroom.  They each have a bookcase for personal items, toys, books etc.  The shelves were so bursting full and larger items were all over the floor so that you couldn't even get to the bookcases.  They also have the only closet for the whole house in their room (it holds some adult clothes, toys and junk).  I couldn't stand it!!  They boys also couldn't get to or even use their things.  Sorry no before photo, I just couldn't deal with it all.  Daddy and I had great discussion because we didn't want to invade their personal space and take away items that belonged to the boys.  We really wanted to involve them in the process, help them to take ownership and love their room.  We also homeschool so I was torn between providing a rich environment to explore and learn from, and having too much out to clutter up the space.

The Solution:
First we talked to the boys about how we felt.  Asked for their thoughts and presented some ideas of what we could do.  We actually have a really cool antique stairs that I'd like to use again as a display shelf.  We talked to the boys about putting it in their bedroom or the playroom.  We all decided to make a fort/loft in the playroom with the stairs and go through all the toys so that everything could find a home.  TJ then wanted a fort of his own, a special private space.  When I asked him to draw up his idea I happily realized it was doable.

Next step was to remove everything from their bookcases and under the bed.  I asked each boy to only put their absolute favourite, must have items back into the selves.  The rest we'd sort out later.

TJ's new personal fort in his room.

TJ had wanted to put some material between his bunk bed and the wall to create a fort in the space in front of his bookcase.  I love being crafty and was all set to do some fun sewing.  First I brought out our old puppet theatre to see how the idea would look.  Turns out the puppet theatre is a perfect fit!!  TJ loves his private space and carefully selected items on his shelves to compliment the new fort.

This next step was more dramatic.  I took all the left overs from their bedroom along with almost all the toys from all over the house and spread them out on the playroom floor.  I did not include the Lego or Playmobil (which they weren't going to give up), a few wooden toys that we had already put up for toy rotation, and the books which we had paired down a lot for now.  I placed like items together and invited the boys in to see how much they had.  Keep in mind this was already after a playroom purge weeks earlier.

Most of the boys' toys spread out in one spot

Most of the boys' toys in one place to sort through

 The boys were both a little shocked with how much stuff they had and didn't realize it!  We took our time over two days to take out anything that was their absolute favourite.  I reminded the boys that nothing would get thrown away or donated unless they said so.  TJ and I took a few photos of some cardboard robots he had made and then tossed them.

Left-over items to deal with

 Looks like vehicles, boardgames and personal items were favourites.  I boxed up everything else and put them in bins in my bedroom (we have no storage space in our house or I'd have used the basement).  If the boys ask for an item then I'll get it out.  I'll leave the bins there for a while and then ask the boys what we should do with all the unclaimed items.

Lastly I put the items they did want to keep neatly away.  A few things went back into the bedroom. Most went into the playroom and a few into the family room.  We haven't gotten to building the fort in the playroom yet, but now we have a plan.

The Results:
Amazing!  Both rooms are peaceful, organized and tidy.  They can find items on all the shelves and have empty space to fill as time goes on.  They also learned a lot about keeping what we love/use and letting go of the rest.

MJ's bookcase

 MJ's bookcase mostly has random clock and electrical parts for building things with, a few small toys and drawings he wanted to keep.  His tool box is under the bed.

TJ's bookcase

TJ's bookcase has items to play house, some smaller stuffies, and his books.  He loves his new private space too.

I found that after we removed a lot the boys re-discovered some old favourites and played happily with them for hours.  They have set up elaborate Playmobil farms again and added to those.  They are also in love with the handmade dolls I made them a few years ago that never were played with. Overall they are happier with less and are making some wise decisions about bringing more into the home.

Doll made for the boys Christmas 2012

Doll made for the boys Christmas 2012

BUT WAIT!!!  You have a bunch of birthdays coming up!!  What about gifts and things from that??

Well we do purge right before birthday and Christmas to make room for new items.  We have in the past asked for no gifts or a donation to charity instead of gifts.  Some family members prefer to donate towards the boys' RESP, or check out our Wishlist.com lists of items we actually want/need.  Other preferable ideas are gift certificates to events, museums, parks, movies, magazines, or consumables like art supplies.  We are always grateful, thankful and blessed by any gift we receive.  The boys play with every item a lot.  They have hours of fun exploring and playing.
Minimizing our items is not a task we take lightly.  It does require a lot of thought but in our small busy home we have decided to keep the stressful clutter down and live with joy!

I can't wait to show you the playroom once it is all finished!!  Share with me... do you purge?  Want to know more about minimizing clutter? Share your successes stories!

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