Imagine a slower more simple life. One in which you were intentional about what came into your home and your schedule? How would that affect your parenting and your kids' behaviour?
This week I had the pleasure of chatting with Kim John Payne author of several best selling books and creator of the Simplicity Parenting movement! He is so lovely to talk to and I was able to ask Kim questions directly rom my followers.
Listen to the interview:
Pillars of Simplicity Parenting
Environment: De-cluttering too much stuff at home.Rhythm: Increasing predictability by introducing rhythmic moments for connection and calm.Scheduling: Soothing violent schedules brings moments for Being into all the Doing.Unplugging: Reducing the influence of adult concerns, media and consumerism on children and families to increase resilience, social and emotional intelligence.
When you simplify your life and add in more predictability and rhythm to your day, you will find everyone is calmer. There is less stress and more connection. You and your children are better able to handle whatever comes your way.
Watch the interview here:
So for those who are not as familiar with simplicity parenting, what are the main pillars that surround what you do?
Well, the the four main pillars, essentially are pillars or pathways that over the years have emerged. I haven't invented them really just worked with countless numbers of parents and, and how to simplify one's life as essentially four pathways. And then there's a fifth actually, which has emerged more lately. But the first one is to declutter and simplify the home environment. The second main pillar is to simplify and strengthen rhythms and predictability and the third is to be very careful about scheduling and over scheduling. The fourth is filtering out adult information, actually, and be more careful with that. And then the fifth, which is in the new edition of simplicity, parenting, a new second edition is coming out. And I had to, you know, think hard and, and work and research for the last year or so. And it seemed to me that there was a whole fifth pathway that was emerging. And that's clarifying and simplifying family values, and parental leadership, actually, in the family. So that that's a that's a new chapter in the book, and then in the new edition of the book.
What do you do when one parent is sold on the Simplicity Parenting philosophy, but the other isn't? Kids can pick up on inconsistencies between guardians if they're not on the same page. So, how do you find that rhythm for your family? Is it even possible if you're not both on the same page there?
One of the things I've noticed is that is it parents who are parenting gently, simply an in a balanced way, consciously, with to one extent or another with almost like built the family arc before the social flood. That's how I think of it. And so, if we know we're struggling, you know, parents who are parenting consciously, gently simply. But if we had not been doing this, it would have been so much worse. It would have been so much more of a struggle because when you balance in a simple way. Basically that means there's time for connection. There's time for human connection, there's time. Children are bonded attached. There's time, you've created spaces, large amounts of spaces for you to be with the children. And that gets them through that gets them through enormously.
It occurs to me that like when the world is chaotic out there, for example, when there's when there's just a lot of chaos outside, if we declutter and have a very simple, peaceful bedroom, and a very simple, peaceful loungeroom, and everything is in its place as much as possible, as you know, as we can within reason, it gives a feeling of not just peacefulness, but a feeling of sense of place that things have their place.
There is more to listen to about decluttering and rhythm 23:48
And again, it's not magic, but what it does is it prevents the child's becoming anxious, then Nervous System activating. And so rhythm and predictability at home is kind of all we can do, because in some ways that we've all got our circle, we've all got our circle of concern, our circle of nervousness, it's a large circle, it's about the size of a beach ball, it's big, you know, it's a, so to speak. But our circle of influence of what we can control and influence is much smaller sis size of a grapefruit, you know, but so we can't control whether the school opens or closes. That's got to do with with the lore of the you know, what we're given by the province of state. But what we can control and strongly influence is what we do at home.
Likewise with the news, you know, how much do we expose, not only our children, to this to the news, which is very, very sensational at the moment. And very troubling, but also how much do we do we expose ourselves to the news. (listen to more 29:22 )
Now, finally, the, the bigger answer to this question about what can we do for ourselves that I thought a lot about that because and that's the reason I wrote this book 'Being at your best when your kids are at their worst?' Because that is the central theme of that book. How can we stay centred?
We are the emotional climate control in our homes 31:04
One of the things Meaghan, that really helps us I feel when our kids are coming at us. And they're anxious, and they're disoriented. And so they're wanting to orient. I think I mentioned before about pinging, just to look at a child and know that they're disoriented. And to know that they're echolocating to know they're trying it on, you know, with their behavior.
If we know that and can really remember that they're disoriented and not disobedient, if we can just remember this, and we look at a child and we inwardly think, I wonder why you're so disoriented.... You avoid taking it personally. Your face softens too.
And then a child senses safety. And the bit i love about this is we don't even have to know the answer that we like, if we can wonder what's going on. Coming up with an answer is secondary, it's okay if we, if we, you know, some great, you know, the heavens open and we get some great message, but it doesn't actually matter. What matters most is the fact that we're not buying into the escalation, we understand that our child is disoriented, and crucially, we're not taking it personally. And so that that partly relates to the previous question as well about emotional self regulation.
Connect with Kim John Payne
Website https://www.simplicityparenting.com/
Simplicity Community https://www.simplicitycommunity.com/
About Kim John Payne
Kim John Payne has been quietly and passionately working to help tens of thousands of people give voice to the feeling that something is not okay about the new normal of overwhelm that so many people are now experiencing. He offers do-able ways to realize the hopes and values we all have for ourselves, and build deep connections with our children that gives families resiliency and simple joy.
A consultant and trainer to over 230 U.S. independent and public schools, Kim John Payne, M.ED, has been a school counselor, adult educator, consultant, researcher, educator and a private family counselor for twenty seven years. He regularly gives key-note addresses at international conferences for educators, parents, and therapists and runs workshops and training’s around the world. In each role, he has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school, emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction and self-esteem and the vital role living a balanced simple life brings.
He has also consulted for educational associations in South Africa, Hungary, Israel, Russia, Switzerland, Ireland, Canada, Australia, and the United Kingdom, Thailand and China. Kim has worked extensively with the North American and UK Waldorf educational movements. He has served as Director of the Collaborative Counseling program at Antioch University New England. He is the Director of the Simplicity Project a multi media social network that explores what really connects and disconnects us to ourselves and to the world. Together with his team they have trained around 1000 Simplicity Parenting Coaches around the world. Kim is the Founding Director of The Center for Social Sustainability, an organization that has trained thousands of teachers, parents and students in the Three Stream Process that gives social, emotional and behavioral support to children who struggle in the school environment.
In addition to authoring the #1 Best Seller Simplicity Parenting© . Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kid, published by Random House Penguin in 2009, he also authored The Games Children Play©, (1996) published by Hawthorn Press ,The Soul of Discipline (2015 Random House/Penguin), co-authored Whole Child Sport™ How to Navigate Child & Youth Sports™. and Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst (Shambhala Press 2019). His books have been translated into 27 languages.
He has appeared frequently on television including ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox; on radio with the BBC, Sirius/XM, CBC & NPR and in print including being featured in Time Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Parenting, Mothering, Times Union and the LA Times.
Kim strives to deepen understanding and give practical tools for life that arise out of the burning social issues of our time. He lives on a farm in Ashfield, Massachusetts with his wife and two children.
Comments
Post a Comment