Creating a Closer Connection with your Child

One thing I always try to remember is connection over correction. Your child needs to know that they are loved unconditionally, not just when they behave well. They need to know and feel that we are on their side. A secure child will learn to love him/her self and be able to show more love to others.

Every time you are apart from your child is an opportunity to reconnect. From waking in the morning, coming off of screens or independent playtime, and getting home from school. Each of these transitions is a time of separation and the perfect chance to work on your relationship with your child. This can be a warm smile, hug, or taking an interest in what they have been doing. Avoid jumping in with a list of things they need to do. Take a moment first to say hello, welcome them back into the relationship before moving forward with any requests.

“No amount of ‘parenting skills’ can make up for an eroded parent-child bond. It’s like riding a bike up a very steep hill. By contrast, parenting with a good relationship is like coasting downhill – you still have to pay attention and stay on the road, and twists and turns certainly arise, but the momentum is with you.” – Dr. Laura Markham

Let us take a look at several ways to connect with your child. Assume that you will have to put in a significant amount of time in order to build a healthy relationship and bond. Take heart though it is never too late.

Create small rituals that reconnect you with your child throughout the day. This is especially important around separation times. Extra snuggles, hugs, smiles, or fun secret handshake let you child know that you are always there for them. It is really helpful to connect first before requiring your child to move into the tasks of the day.

Give your child some extra attention right before a time of separation or perceived separation. This will help to fill their emotional bucket before going off to bed, school, even making supper or shopping.

Physical touch. Give lots of hugs, gentle touch, and smiles through out the day. You can also wear younger ones and have some fun rough housing with older children.

Turn off technology when interacting with your child. Give them your full attention. Actually put down the phone or turn away from the computer if you are working from home. Your child will always remember that they were more important to you than the cell phone as they get older.

Spend time together as a family. You’ll find out what works best for your family. Dinners, games, stories and hikes are all fantastic opportunities to turn off the technology and focus on each other. Make the atmosphere relaxed and enjoyable so that your kids will feel comfortable opening up and laughing.

Get into your child's world. Share their hobbies and interests. Find activities you can do together.

Special Time is a great parenting strategy. This is where you spend regular quality time with your child. Let the child decide the activity.

Don’t let little rifts build up. If you’ve had a challenging time with your child, or you are in the middle of one, be sure to reconnect before moving on. It can be humbling as an adult, but it send a powerful message of love when you take the time to reconnect after withdrawing your emotional connection.

The 5 Love Languages for Kids by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell offers a unique insight into the ways most people feel they receive love the best. These include:

Gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time

I created a Pinterest board to give you more ideas of how that might look for your family. Love languages for kid Pinterest board

One of the primary basic needs of all humans is to feel a sense of belonging and significance. Taking the time to foster a deeper relationship with your child and work on the connection you have will go a long way to improving your family’s life together.

Did you know you can watch the YouTube version of this article here. I go into more depth and include lots of examples. In fact I decided to break the video into two bite-sized parts.

PART 1 Video