Weary mom, I have been there too.

Out of steam, weary and broken, my friend I have been there. You are not alone in your struggles.

Today I want to share my story with you, if I may. I know that you will be able to relate but, more so I want to offer you hope. Life doesn't need to stay this way. You are not stuck.

I have three beautiful, active, fun and crazy boys. They bring me joy and frustrations all within the same half hour. In addition to my boys I also homeschool them, and do all the office administration for our family electrical business. Over the years I have also run my own businesses and been very involved in the homeschool community. Needless to say I'm busy (too busy perhaps).

Our lives ran into a particularly rough patch as a family. The summer after my second miscarriage was the lowest point of my parenting journey. Our family business was struggling and my children needed me. The neighbours were complaining to us about everything and, my parents staged an intervention telling me I needed to put my kids in school and get help. It felt as though my whole life was caving in on me. I was drowning with no one to turn to. No part of my life had any peace. 

Obviously if people were noticing that our family was struggling, I couldn't hide it any longer. I had been trying to manage my own emotions, but it all ended up spilling over. We were always yelling, the kids were fighting, I had given up on teaching them anything. I had nothing left to give. It was purely survival mode. I knew I needed help. When I prayed, God told me school wasn't the answer. So I started seeking out help. I worked one-on-one with a parenting coach while also taking the online parenting courses and an empathy communication book club. The transformation has been huge. 

After having taken these courses I had specific tools I could use to help me in my daily interactions with the kids. I was surprised at how I could apply some of those same tools at work and with my friends. Not that I’m telling them I used parenting techniques on them. Lol

The coaches gave me more confidence. Instead of feeling hopeless and giving up, I had some things I could try and I felt pretty sure they would work. I guess I felt empowered.  For example, after doing some of the roll play activities I realized I sounded like I was nagging my kids. Now I am remembering to ask more questions to engage their help in getting things done. Family meetings have also been helpful. The kids feel heard and often come up with some pretty good ideas.

I also felt like I wasn’t alone because I’d taken some of the class with other parents. We got to share our problems with each other and learn from each other. It felt good to find some like minded moms who got what I was going through. They didn’t try to judge or tell me what to do. I’ve already made contact with one mom outside of the group because our boys are the same age and both like similar activities.

I think the main difference between taking the course and reading a parenting book was my level of commitment. I had an investment in putting in the hard work and some accountability because we checked in during our sessions to see how things were going.  I’d read so many parenting books but it never sunk in. Honestly, how many half read self help books do you have on your shelves at home. 

I also was able to get real time help, with my real problems, not just what some author thought I was going through. So honestly if you want real change you do have to do some real work. But once you see the results coming then it motivates you to keep going.  I found the journaling hard sometimes, because I didn’t want to reflect on my past. At first I didn’t understand what that had to do with disciplining my kids.  Boy was I wrong.  Like I said we did learn a lot of practical tools to do with the kids, but I found the real change came to our house when I worked more on myself.

I had to re-parent myself before I could parent my kids. Too bad I couldn’t hit the pause button in life and fix myself up before moving on. But that is again why I was thankful to have the community to reassure me everything was going to work out. I felt secure and safe.  I also found it helpful to practice on myself so I could be a better model for my kids. I had to learn about my own feelings and needs, see how working through that impacted me. Then I could bring what I was learning to me kids. I found I was way more enthusiastic about guiding them when I knew how much it really helped me. Now I don’t mind slowing down to work on coaching my children because that is the point of parenting. Coaching them now so they will be more successful later.

I guess I learned to look at the big picture. Focusing on the end goal helps.  I began to let go of a lot of battles.  I used to worry so much about every little thing. I’d get caught up in the little details, bed times, meals, getting dressed. Everything was a battle. Now that I have a clear picture of what I really want for my kids, those little details don’t seem so important. Because I’ve lightened up, my kids are more cooperative. 

We are also enjoying each other more. It is hard to want to spend time with someone who is acting up. I’m having way more moments of peace in the week. I caught myself the other day taking a mental photo capturing the moment, just a simple hug freely given. It warmed my heart.

Oh I have to tell you about this great win! Oh I’m so excited! So my oldest was having a melt down. He got set off my something seemingly small. But I recognized that it was about something bigger (yay me). He had a huge melt down, but I was able to stay calm and not get caught up in it. I remembered some of the things we had been learning and helped him to calm down. We had a great talk and later he actually thanked me for helping him!! Can you believe it. This is why I don’t mind the hard work. This is better than I was expecting when I signed up. I figured I’d learn a few techniques to get my kids to listen to me better. But my son thanking me for helping him through a rough time! That is priceless.

Another bonus is that other people noticed the changes in me too. I’m less weary, happier, and it shows.  I was finally ready to tackle some other areas of my life that had been put aside because I was bogged down by the worries and struggles of parenting. I now even do something special for myself, I had put aside my hobbies. I matter now. I think I found me, and I like who I am. I can do hard things.

We aren't perfect all the time, but I am so much more confident and peaceful. I want to share the possibility of something different with everyone! Which is exactly why I became a parenting coach. When something this life changing happens in you life, you can't keep it to yourself.  I have studied all I can and worked very hard to bring the absolute best to the families I work with.

Because as mom, we wear many different hats and our lives are not neatly separated into compartments, I offer my coaching to encompass the whole family. I work with parents to offer solutions t homeschool, parenting, clutter and more.

It has been a pleasure sharing my story with you I'd love to hear from you. what is your story? Where are you at? Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. I also have a very special Facebook community focusing on positive/gentle parenting.

If you'd like to learn more about me check out this page with the best of me!

If my story of transformation is something you are seeking, or perhaps you have a friend that might need some support right now, I invite you connect with me for more support. I offer individual and group coaching.

For more support for you parenting journey follow Joyful Mud Puddles on Facebook and Instagram @joyfulmudpuddles 

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