The Secret of Peaceful Parents



The secret to those who have discovered a more peaceful, respectful way of parenting is that they have a different mindset towards parenting. They have a different internal dialogue that translates into how they relate to their children.

 

If you want to parent well then you need to work on yourself too. Parenting is about so much more than raising your children, having them do well in school, eating healthy and being kind and obedient. Those are nice things of course, but parenting is about relationships. We all know that we cannot control another person, or force them to change. But we can work on ourselves and be the best model we can for our children to follow. And yes, that doe include mistakes, which is part of what makes us human.

 

There is an important reason that airlines instructions tell you to first put the mask on yourself before you help your child. That is because you can’t help others when you are suffering and struggling! I’m sure you’ve also heard that you can not give when you are on empty. And yet we see it over and over again that parents are trying to keep pressing on and moving forward, trying to teach their children to manage their emotions without regulating their own.

 

So how can we parent with a new perspective? How can we manage our own emotions while parenting at the same time?

 

Notice your triggers. Pay attention to what bothers you most and be aware of those things that push your buttons. You may need to work on resolving those issues, but just being aware can help you acknowledge and remain more calm.

 

Stop and pause. Take a deep breath and remind yourself why you are trying to change. The more often you stop yourself from following your old habit, the better you will get at it. Sure you might realize too late or mid yell. But you are trying and each try gets better.

 

Reduce Stress and Increase self-care. When you are under a lot of stress you cannot parent at your best. Find ways to reduce the stressors In your life along with finding ways to relax. Each person is different but there are lots of ways out the to let off steam and relax.

 

Find out more about emotions. Learning how your body reacts and how the brain works will help you to reason and accept your feelings. Learn more about anger or other feelings that you find come up often in yourself. Negative feelings are most often the warning light or signal of a deeper need that is not being filled.

 

Get some help. You may have certain triggers or childhood memories that are blocking you from moving forward. Having someone to talk to can help.  Determine the level of help that you might need, but remember when you care for yourself you are better able to care for others. 



What are some ways that you help regulate your emotions? Tell us what works for you.

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